Indonesia's premier festival for creativity, innovation, and entrepreneurship. Here I am sharing my story as a speaker, battling self-doubt amid inspiring sessions and a packed crowd of over 100. Grateful for the energy and connections! #IDEAFEST2024 #CreativeJourney #OvercomingFears
Before my appearance at IDEAFEST 2024, I couldn't find peace for weeks. Day and night, the thought of speaking filled me with worry. Whenever I had a moment, I'd force myself to practice in front of a mirror. I even created small events at the office to rehearse in front of my team, blending work with preparation. But none of it eased my fears.
https://www.instagram.com/p/DAYhb2kvpG8/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
What haunted me most was the fear that people would finally see me as unqualified, a fool who didn't deserve my position. I worried my worth would be questioned, and my confidence crumbled. This feeling has lingered since elementary school. I still remember fifth grade vividly, I was chosen for a quiz competition to represent my school with two top students. I felt out of place and anxious every day. On the day of the event, I hid under my bed, vanishing from everyone. I heard people searching for me, even coming to my house to ask my parents.
That same anxiety persists today. Despite my age and thousands of hours speaking in front of crowds, I never feel truly comfortable. No matter what I try, I often forget more than half of my prepared material.
But that's me, a small story from what might seem like a trivial experience.
Now, to the day itself I spoke in front of about 100 people, give or take. The room was set for 100 seats, all filled, with extra chairs brought in. Even now, I recall some of the words I said, and they still make me cringe with regret. I felt my presence there was pointless, even though 5-7 people asked me questions directly. How could I say something so foolish? It left me uncomfortable, and I'd be embarrassed to meet those attendees again.
Worse, after the event, about five or more audience members approached me. They wanted to hear my story of building the company and more. With my energy down to maybe 10%, I had to smile and handle tough questions for over 30 minutes.
Afterward, I didn't want to go anywhere. I just took a few team members who helped with the event out for dinner as a responsibility, even though my energy was at 2% or less :D.
Honestly, my mind blanks on many details post-event. What I do remember is waking up early the next morning, still feeling guilty. That night, I went straight to the hotel, skipped showering or anything else, and crashed into deep sleep. My energy was completely drained; even brief interactions took everything out of me.